Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Dear Chickens...

Here's the deal. 

I don't know what you've heard, but we are not running a chicken sanctuary. 
You serve several purposes on our little suburban homestead. 

1 - weed and bug abatement.

2 - fertilizer factory

3 - EGGS

4 - entertainment

We expect that you will preform all these duties on a regular basis. Failure to preform said duties will be dealt with accordingly.  As you have both been extremely sub-par the last month on the aforementioned third duty please consider this your official notice. 

Should you continue to not produce eggs you will find out for yourself what the inside of a potpie looks like.

No, I don't care how pretty you are. 

Think I am bluffing? ... I already ordered your replacements.

They'll be here at the end of the month. 
You have until they feather out to change your ways. For now you can thank her for your temporary reprieve:

In fact, I recommend you take notes, as Lucky has not missed a single day since she started laying. Perhaps if you ask nicely she'll share her secrets. 

Should you have a valid reason for the recent drop-off in performance you have the same previously mentioned time-frame in which to present your excuse for review and consideration. 

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.


The Management

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